I Crashed And Burned At Your Feet
by AUOH
Summary: For Radtastic RAWR... or TAYLOR! Jason is feeling depressed, actually.. he's hating himself. This is odd behaviour from the happiest person known to the world. Hear what goes on behind the smile.. the real Jason.


**This is for Taylor,  
or Radtastic RAWR.**

I don't know, I was bored waiting to begin Like A Lion, and you wanted an angsty- Jason one-shot. So I thought, what the heck, here we go. This is for Taylor and I CAN'T wait until the next chapters of her story are up. Also, if any of you are interested, my new story will be posted August 24th, 08.. so stay tuned. Review please.. one shot!

****

So Taylor, yeah, this is for you,  
you wanted it and I thought i'd write it, it seemed interesting anyways,  
I hope you like it!

Jason stared at his guitar.  
What good was this guitar anymore?

He loved playing, he loved showing the world the stuff he created with it, he loved making people smile.. but that didn't happen anymore.  
He had loved and lost, he had smiled then frowned, he had felt the energy of the crowd.. then felt the emptiness of the crowd. Most of all, he felt alone. He felt very alone.

Nate and Shane didn't notice anything wrong. They didn't notice the lifeless personality he had adapted too. He didn't really eat anymore, he was all skin and bones. He barely slept, which gave him dark, black circles under his eyes. He also rarely smiled, and that was something Jason always did. He didn't feel like smiling anymore. Nothing made him want to smile, nothing deserved a smile. His band-mates also didn't notice that he was constantly shutting himself out, blocking everything and everyone out of his world.

After a show, Jason went straight to his bunk, after weakly waving to the fans of course. When Nate and Shane came to check on him, he simply shut his eyes and pretended that he was fast asleep. In the morning, when they asked what was wrong with him, his excuse was he was tired. Everyday. He was always tired. Why couldn't they see that he was silently screaming for help? He need help! His world was about to crash and burn ontop of him.. leaving him there.. alone and leaving him for dead.

He hadn't always been this way. He was always so happy, giddy and oblivious. That was the life he missed, the life when nothing mattered, nothing but living. Now everything mattered. Girls mattered way more than they did before. Friendships did as well, he was losing a great mass of them, his appearance also seemed to be high on the list. But most of all, love was assumed and wanted from all angles. All but his. People were telling him that he should settle down in a few years, he was so young, but that never stopped them. His parents were always pressuring him to find a girl, they'd even throw some names infront of him.

Call him old fashion, but he didn't want to find the girl he would marry like that. He wanted to meet her randomly and fall in love. He thought it had happened, that he found the love of his life, but she left him. She left him like everybody did. It made a great impact on this depression he was faced with, actually, it made a huge dent. He didn't find the need to eat because he knew that he'd feel sick. Sleep never came because he was constantly wondering about everything, about her, about what she's doing or who she's seeing. He tried to tell himself that love was just a hoax, it wasn't real, it was something that society pressured upon you. But he knew he was wrong. He knew it because he loved her.

Now, he sat in his bunk, curled up in a small ball. This was the ritual, the norm. Everything was the same. He felt that feeling in his stomache, the one that wondered what she was doing right now, the one the craved for her touch, for her warmth, for her. He wanted to just wrap his arms around her again and hear her tell him that she loved him. One month. One month to the day, she walked out on him, leaving him in his hotel room. One month ago, she broke his heart.

Jason inhaled, feeling his bones ache as he did so. His toes curled in as he looked at the wall. He wanted to be happy again, but he wasn't. He was sick. He was depressed. He was too thin, you could see every bone in his body. He was slowly fading away and maybe, just maybe, it was for the best. He just needed to hear he was loved again, hear that somebody wanted him. But he knew that it was too much to ask.. he wasn't expecting it any time soon.

He froze as he felt somebody's presence in the room. He stared wide-eyed at the wall, then snapped his eyes shut, doing the fake-sleep routine. He felt a hand on his blankets and he faked a snore. Then, somebody was patting him, tapping him. He turned, opening his eyes and seeing his bandmates infront of him, worried eyes, "What?" he murmered, faking heavy-lidded eyes.

Shane and Nate glanced at each other and Nate brought it upon himself to speak first, "Jase.. we're worried," he admitted. Jason rolled his eyes like there was nothing to worry about, "No, you're scaring us," he said sternly. Jason stared at them oddly, Shane nervously looked at the floor and Nate stared in Jason's eyes.

"I'm fine guys, honestly," he lied. He forced a weak smile onto his lips and Shane's eyes finally met his, "I'm just.. bummed. I miss the family, you know, I.. yeah," Nate was still un-convinced, but he let out a low sigh and Jason knew that he had won, "I'm just tired.. so i'm going to try and sleep.. okay?" Nate nodded and Shane smiled lightly, "I'm fine," he reminded them.

"Okay," Shane muttered, "We love you man, 'night," with that, Nate nodded in agreement, and they turned and left him alone.

Jason stared at the spot they departed from. His eyes stung with tears and his chest was feeling better, warmer. They loved him. He was needed, people wanted him here. He then smiled and thought about it, thought about his best friends and then.. Jason fell asleep.

The next morning, Jason woke up and greeted everbody with a warm smile as he reached for a bowl of cereal.  
His heart wasn't repared, but he was going to make an effort.

He loved his bandmates- he couldn't do that to them.


End file.
